I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
