DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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