I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
