Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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