Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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