Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
