Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
