I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
