you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
