the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize