Pants 0. Shit 1.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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