I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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