I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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