New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize