I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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