fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i would punch a child for taco bell
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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