I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You've changed since you got that strap on
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
