FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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