So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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