I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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