Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
