Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i came on her dog
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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