Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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