I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
