Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
