I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
