where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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