so let's talk penis.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
