PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
