i always forget guys have bellybuttons
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
