I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Never joke about your clitoris.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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