i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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