worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
