She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
