Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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