so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
