Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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