My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
