Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
