ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
