so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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