Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
