if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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