I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
