if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
