I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
