I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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