just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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