He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
