How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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