i would punch a child for taco bell
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
