Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
