I wanna bring you to show and tell
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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