Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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