you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
