I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
