So drunk its hurt
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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