all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
