On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
