it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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