Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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