I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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