Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
that is very illegal...i love you.
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