she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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