I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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