He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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