You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
