Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
