o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
