I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize