it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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