We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize