In America we eat man semen.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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