so explain again why im purple
no
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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