GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
