doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
